Someone who knows a lot about pain and suffering posted a picture on Facebook today of a whiteboard in a middle school gym. It said." Pain and Torture will be your BFF today. Sucks for you." Yep, sucks for me. But these last few days I have had some time to think this over. I have cried myself, with my family and with Nick. This sucks. Sucks, sucks, sucks. But life goes on. Sure I don't know what the new biopsies will show, but for the next few weeks until I know, I will endure some pain and torture as they biopsy more armpit nodes on Tuesday and then sedate me to test the chest nodes on Wednesday. Then more mental pain and torture of waiting for the results.
But, Life will go on. I will still sell Girl Scout cookies with Ally, take Evan to his basketball practice and games, get them up for school, pay my bills, make them dinner. On Sunday I will go to church and I will take comfort in the fact that as a Christian Catholic we are going into the most precious time of year. Lent. The 40 days of Jesus' suffering and where we prepare for his death and then Resurrection. I don't think that I am going to give anything up this year though. I think God will give me a pardon for that. Because I am probably going to need that chocolate. I know some don't believe...but I do believe that Jesus suffered and died for me. He will take care of my pain and torture. He will hold my hand as I lay on a table being poked. I will go into Lent knowing that his death and suffering lead to the ultimate Resurrection that was done so that we all can live.
But I will also take comfort in all that has been given me and know that there are many, MANY people praying for me. For ME!!! (still hard to fathom). That is what this Lent will be about. I will celebrate another birthday (Ally's as well). And although I have a horrible diagnosis and disease that may not be curable, I will know that life goes on and that life is going on with so many people comforting me. I will still get up in the morning, have my coffee (very much needed), get my kids off to school, go to work when I can and give hugs and loves and kisses to my family. Life goes on, so I will change the cat litter box, do some laundry, cook some dinner (or order pizza), and just live.
Again, thank you all. And thank you for letting me be emotional and all over the place on here. It has truly been helpful.