Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Scanxiety..

Scanxiety is just what it sounds like. That irrational fear a cancer patient or survivor has right before a scan. Will it be ok? What will it show? Did I take all my medication on time? What will I do if it is back? My last scan was clear. Completely clear. Yesterday I had another scan. It has been six months this time since the last. I have continued with my maintenance infusions every three weeks and I still take my daily meds. But...was it working? I have been extra stressed. "They" say you need to keep that in check too.

I have to say I was a tad bit nervous going in to yesterday's scans. All those irrational fears were there. I did go by myself. But don't feel bad. I have been going to this clinic for two years now. These nurses and MA's are like family. I don't really ever feel alone when I go by myself. It is an odd comforting feeling. And my nurses can calm my fears pretty well.

 I checked in early. I have learned since the last scan that nurses in CT can't really access a port well, so I now go upstairs to hematology (my family) and have my usual nurses access it. It rarely even hurts much anymore. Just a pinch. I went back downstairs and drank my 32 oz concoction of Portland tap water and whatever else it is like a pro. After an hour of sitting in a waiting room and chatting with a nice old couple, it was my turn. Deep Breath....

As comfortable as OHSU is to me now, I still am human. I still have some scanxiety (anxiety over having a scan, if you didn't get that). There is just something about laying in a large room on a table by yourself as the table moves back and forth through a big donut while a robotic voice says, "hold your breath", "breathe," "do not swallow". You just kind of melt into another world and relax and then in ten minutes I am done. Done..and now the waiting for the results begins.

Luckily, I didn't have to wait long. Just a couple of hours later I got a call from my oncologist. Deep breath again. Answer the phone..It is Dr. Chui in his excited voice (YES!) "Ms. Underland! I couldn't wait til next week to tell you!"

Deep breath again..."Scans are clear. Still nothing there! I couldn't wait until your appointment to tell you!"
And let the breath out!

And yes my friends. I am relieved beyond belief.  God is good!

I still don't know how I went from stage 4 cancer two years ago to cancer free. Well, yes I do. Friends, Family and Faith!

I may sound like a broken wheel, but I will still continue with infusion every three weeks (Herceptin) and take my two meds at home (Femara and Tykerb).  Give me six more months and another clean scan and maybe my treatment will change. But why stop what is working?

Scanxiety?  I will probably have it again in six months when I have a scan again. But right now, I can get busy living..cancer free. Or is it living busy? Because life doesn't stop. It doesn't matter. It is life and I am CANCER FREE!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

With A Little Help From My Friends!

I am not sure what happened here. I was having a whiny day and vented on Facebook with a picture. But thank you for everything.

I won't lie. It has been hard. The fundraising at first was amazing and lasted for a long while. But I am now almost two years in to this thing called cancer.  It is hard to continue down this road. It is an expensive thing. I have insurance. It covers most of it. But there will always be bills. I will be continuing treatment this year as "maintainence." Yes, the cancer is out of me. (Praise GOD!)  But with my type and the treatment chosen, it is a long road to ensure it is out of me and won't come back. Thus, becoming very expensive. Like I have said before it is like a chronic disease.

 Having Nick and Evan both have injuries last year that included surgery and months and months of physical therapy for Evan put us over the edge. I thought things would be great with me finally getting a job. Unfortunately, things just  caught up with us. My Honda sits because it needs extensive work that just isn't in the budget. We are a one car family right now. (But we are saving money on gas!) Christmas was minimal but wonderful. I now know first hand what it is like to be "served" with papers. Unfortunately, one bill got too far behind and the collevtions company served me with garnishment papers. That is one of the most embarassing things I have ever had to go through. I felt like the world was watching and that I had a deep dark secret all at the same time. I have hidden a lot from people, continued on. Because that is what you do. But at the expense of having my financial life ruined. Don't get me wrong, we have eliminated MANY things. But for my kids, I have tried to keep some sense of normal.  I know there are people out there who are worse off. Why do you think I still give to other things?  We can sometimes get caught up in our own problems and I think that is what was happening.

Again I am still amazed what has transpired in the last twelve hours. It is humbling to say the least. No one ever wants to admit they "can't" do it. But with friends and faith I know I CAN! Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! And I think I know my next karaoke song :)

"With A Little Help From My Friends"

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Oh I'm going to try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I just need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=5&cad=rja&ved=0CEgQtwIwBA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DEDOCY52H8VE&ei=-13IUvGjIcvzoATTuIKIAw&usg=AFQjCNFoN4zRi6M5Dc59ARFuVbIIYxqfbw&sig2=ftr13jCUeiZ_vXjPfeIddA



http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-the-underlands-kick-cancer-bills-to-the-curb-/122639