Friday, March 2, 2012


I told you I like songs. And there is always one playing in my head. Today.....

"Going out of my mind these days, Like I'm walking 'round in a haze, I can't think straight. I can't concentrate."

Those are the words from a song by Diamond Rio. "Beautiful Mess."   Those words really sum up how I felt the last month. And the last 24 hours haven't been any different. 

Last night I was so much in a state of confusion. Nothing was going like I had planned. I didn't understand. I was lost. Fast forward 12 hours, a shaky night's sleep and a morning alone, I am ready to embrace this..I think.  I have stopped to think about this, looked (on the internet of course), took a call from one of my doctors and listened again to what they say.  I am beginning to understand this approach. And what a beautiful mess I am in.
It still sucks that I have this chronic disease called metastatic breast cancer, but the endocrine therapy approach is quite favoring.
Here are some things I found....

Endocrine therapies slow or halt tumor cell growth. Most endocrine therapies inhibit tumor growth by depriving the cell of estrogen or blocking its receptor.

Hormone therapy stops the effects or production of the female hormones estrogen and progesterone. Produced mainly in the ovaries, these hormones stimulate the growth of breast cancer. Medical oncologists may recommend hormone therapy to prevent breast cancer from growing, especially in my case since my cancer cells have receptors that attract estrogen and/or progesterone. 
This kind of sums it up...Why I am going with this therapy........
Trials comparing ovarian ablation (removal) with or without tamoxifen(Drug information on tamoxifen) to CMF-type chemotherapy (cyclophosphamide, methotrexate(Drug information on methotrexate)fluorouracil(Drug information on fluorouracil)) suggest that the endocrine therapy is equivalent to or better than just chemotherapy in women whose tumors express estrogen and/or progesterone(Drug information on progesterone) receptors. Endocrine therapy with ovarian ablation (removal), tamoxifen, or the combination is also useful in the metastatic setting in premenopausal women. (This is me in a nutshell)

Herceptin is an example of a monoclonal antibody used to treat breast cancer. The antibody is given to some breast cancer patients who produce an excessive amount of the HER-2/neu protein on their breast cancer cells.  (That is me) Herceptin works against HER-2 /neu on the surface of the breast cancer cells and prevents the breast cancer cells from growing and dividing.Herceptin can be given alone or in combination with chemotherapy. (Right now we are going it alone and will look at chemo later)

Well, I will bore you no more with scientific details. But, I am in a Beautiful Mess. Cancer is a mess. But I have the opportunity to try something that will stop the growth of these cells with minimum damage to my body. At least that is how I am feeling right now. I guarantee there will be more freak outs, confusion, and I will probably still be walking around in a haze for awhile. That, right now, is an understandable given.

So, I am going to finally go take a shower and then go fill my prescription. Because I need to get this show on the road and make sense of this Beautiful Mess and get myself on the road to recovery.


  1. Thank you for posting this Madonna..I've been thinking about you alot these days and doing some research myself (just to understand) and your words really help me understand what your journey is going to look like. I'm with you through every step ...sending you live, prayers & support! Call if you want to talk!

  2. Just got the news. Thinking good thoughts for you and your family. So sorry. Let me know what I can do.

    Love you guys.