But I have also felt love, warmth, thoughtfulness and immense gratitude. Here are some things I am grateful for.
- My family- Obviously. From my husband, my kids, my brothers and sisters to cousins I haven't talked to in years. I am grateful for everyone of them. Nick has wrapped his arms around me (literally and figuratively) and just made me feel loved and I truly could not be without him. We have been together for 20 years. Married for 14 (15 in July). I wouldn't know life without him. My kids have been great through this. They all have handled it in different ways but since it is not as visible to them yet, I think they are taking it all in stride. Just normal days in the Underland house.
- Facebook- Yes I am grateful for Facebook. It has allowed me to be in touch with so many people. What a wonderful invention Facebook is. Sure it has its quirks, but what doesn't. And for all of you who have left me a message on FB, I will get to responding. (now I know what fan mail is..lol)
- My network of people- And I have realized in the last month how big this network is. I have felt love and received messages from people from all stages of my life....childhood, highschool (oh wait those are the same).....college, young mom days, MOPS, softball, Seattle peeps, Vancouver peeps, PTA, church, and the list goes on. But none has been more prominent in my life this last month than my Castle Rock family. And not just my blood family. They (Kristi, Tessie, Barbie, Dianna, Pam, Lisa, Jenny...and many others) came together for me and have done some wonderful things that will help my family out tremendously through all this. I don't think I could ever say thank you enough. I had a hunch something was up. But never to the extent that they have taken their support. T-shirts, sweatshirts, walk/run, bank account. I had tears streaming down my face when I came upon the Facebook support page. It was very hard to accept and realize that this was all for me...FOR ME! But Kristi said it best when she said to me, "Ain't it great being from a small town." And yes it is! Castle Rock was/is a great place to grow up and the people there are my people.....Oh wait another song....."These are my people, this is where I come from, We're givin' this life everything we've got and then some......It ain't always pretty, but it's real. It's the way we were made, wouldn't have it any other way, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!" (For the full version, look it up..Rodney Atkins..and yes it is country.)
- A flexible work schedule (and the kids I work with)- I am grateful that I am a sub teacher. I have complained a bit because I really want my own classroom. But here is probably a reason now that I haven't gotten that yet. I am grateful that I haven't had to call in to work sick or find my own sub for all these appointments. I don't need to explain when I turn down a job. And when I have worked lately, it has been with my kindergarteners. The ones I love. They bring such joy to my life and I don't mind runny noses and tying shoes. I love that they get so excited when I come back to their class.
- Birthdays- Ally and I both had a birthday on March 10th. It was a weekend of fun. It started with the Lorax movie, a slumber party (for Ally), shopping with my sisters, dinner with my family and karaoke with my friends. I couldn't have asked for anything better.
- The power to say NO. I do not come by this one easily. But it is a given right for all humans to be able to say NO. I have taken a step back from some previous responsibilities (that I put on myself) and although I don't like to...I have said NO. I'm finally realizing that I can say NO and be ok with it. I don't have to do everything.
- Life- I am grateful for every day I have. I'm not trying to be sinister. It is just truth. The thought of death has crossed my mind. The fear is there. But right now I have life.
So, thank you to everyone and everything making my life a little better right now. Because with all the things going on in my head, it is nice to know that someone has my back when I feel like I just can't do it. For this, I have an attitude of gratitude. (and FYI...that is a song sung by Jimmy Buffet on a kids CD called Thanks and Giving)